Coping With Uncertainty
If you are feeling off balance and disoriented, you are not alone. None of us is unaffected by the dizzying barrage of crises. We may try to make sense of the chaos by reducing what is irreconcilable into uncompromising extremes: us/them, good /bad, right/wrong. While that's one way for many of us to cope, it offers only a false sense of certainty and distracts us from the discomfort of uncertainty.
As hard as it might be to recognize, we are in a rare moment of collective connectedness.
On the surface we see conflict, but below the divisiveness is our shared experience of anxiety and uncertainty. In these precarious times, we may choose to protect ourselves by detaching and isolating, creating walls that keep us separate. But, by cutting off connections, we become vulnerable to losing perspective and falling into despair. Isolation and mistrust are counter to connectedness.
Can we resist the pull to withdraw and instead find ways to engage openly about our fears?
In my practice as a psychotherapist, most of the problems that patients suffer from can be boiled down to emotional disconnection, from themselves and from others. Growing up, many of us learned that our emotions, passions and wishes were best hidden from view. Expressing true feelings could result in shame, guilt, or punishment. Risky to state how you feel, especially when revealing fear or uncertainty. Better to play it safe and show an "I've got this" game face. But at what cost?
The further we retreat emotionally, the further we retreat from our humanity.
Expressing our vulnerability invites others to open up with us. Now, more than ever, it's important to engage rather than avoid. Turn fear and uncertainty into hope and reassurance by exploring ways to create connections. Give priority to maintaining and cultivating relationships by joining an online group, supporting a cause, reaching out to a neighbor, offering assistance or initiating a conversation. And don't underestimate the impact of eye contact and a warm smile to a passerby. Small gestures can convey a lot.
Challenge yourself to step out of your social comfort zone.
The current upheaval offers us an opportunity to engage more deliberately. With a willingness to express ourselves honestly, we can build stronger connections to our communities, to our loved ones, and to ourselves.
Originally published in Herald-Tribune/ Prime Times 7-1-2020
